Philly’s Super win, Olympic unis can’t be thin, and an NFL dance floor spin

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By Mike Ashley

HUNGRY FOR A TITLE: The ‘Philly Special’ may be my favorite Super Bowl play ever, but it sure sounds like something that makes me hungry.

JUST NOW GETTING FEELING BACK IN MY BUTT: What did we learn from Super Bowl LII? No one, not anyone, needs a 5-hour pregame show. 

WHAT GAME WERE YOU WATCHING? Tom Brady completed 28-of-48 passes for three touchdowns, a Super Bowl record 505 yards, and the Patriots never punted. How anyone can say he’s done makes me think they were wearing their hoodie backward.

I CAN’T MOVE MY ARMS! Temperatures in PyeongChang as the Winter Olympics open are expected to be around 11 degrees. Ceremonial team uniforms will make the athletes resemble Randy from ‘A Christmas Story’ dressed for the winter walk to school.

NFL CATCH CALL RAP: Here’s a football in the air/It’s gonna come down somewhere/Get both those feet inside the line/Don’t you bobble and don’t you whine/Make a football move and survive the ground/Or it’s gonna be second, third or fourth down/Get control at the pylon or you’re not gonna have a very big smile on/ Twirl, twirl, twist and whirl/Replay takes forever and makes you hurl…

TIMEOUT FOR TRIVIA: Who was the quarterback the last time the Eagles won an NFL championship?

COLTS HARD FACT: If Andrew Luck is still hurt, this is the best call Josh McDaniels has ever made.

HEADS UP: There’s a bill in the Maryland state legislature to ban tackle football, heading a soccer ball and checking in lacrosse for kids under 14. Don’t think I agree, but where were these lawmakers back when I was the fat kid getting pummeled in Dodgeball.

NOT FEELING THE GLOVE: A week out of MLB spring training and there’s a record number of unsigned free agents. Yu Darvish, Jake Arrieta, Eric Hosmer, J.D. Martinez and Mike Moustakas are among the big names that normally would already have big contracts. I’m no Branch Rickey, but just looking around there are a lot of teams that could use more good players.

LIVIN’ LARGE: Barry Bonds’ No. 25 being retired by the Giants (Congrats) made me wonder if he and some of the other proven steroid-users get Hall of Fame busts, will their heads be sculpted a little larger than the rest of the inductees?

BARBER UP!? The recent passing of 17-year big leaguer Oscar Gamble reminded me of how much I loved his 1974 Topps (Traded!) card for the Yankees. His Afro was the baseball gold standard. Oh, and he could hit, too.

TRIVIA ANSWER: It was Norm Van Brocklin, who wore No. 11, which is also Carson Wentz’s number (and well, early ‘70s QB Rick Arrington’s, too, but we won’t talk about that). Nick Foles messed all that numerical symmetry up, but most Philly fans I talk to don’t seem to mind.

 


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mike Ashley has covered college athletics for over 30 years. He has worked in the athletic departments at Virginia Tech, Radford University and Marshall University, in addition to freelance work from his Northern Virginia home. Ashley has also worked as a stand-up comic, and has been a regular on many radio stations throughout the Mid-Atlantic Region. His work appears in Terrapin Times (covering the University of Maryland), NCAA programs, Blue Ribbon YearbooksAthlonLindy’s, and on bathroom stalls in major sporting venues. He has also co-authored a book on the golden age of Virginia Military Institute football, “Best Regrets: VMI’s John McKenna and The Lost Age of College Football.” Previously, the Salem, Va., native has helped author books on the New York Yankees, Emmitt Smith, Maryland’s 2002 NCAA basketball championship, and published a book on the history of Radford University.

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William Roth