Caps’ celebration, Worm’s collaboration, and even Justify’s propagation

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By Mike Ashley

ALL CAPS: They didn’t drain the swamp in D.C. They iced it over, skated to the championship and had a big parade. Led by a Russian operative.

IRONMAN: I don’t know what was more impressive – Alex Ovechkin’s drive to earn the Stanley Cup or his subsequent travels all over town with the Cup (and lots of bottles and cans).

BIG GUNS: NBA G.O.A.T. discussions may have to be redefined. Yeah, Michael and LeBron are great but have they ever been involved in nuclear disarmament talks like Kim Whisperer Dennis Rodman? 

GO ASK ALICE: Julian Edelman has appealed his four-game NFL suspension for an ‘unrecognizable substance.’ The drug reportedly makes Edelman even smaller and harder to cover.

CUE HEAVY BASS MUSIC: Triple Crown now in hoof, Justified gets to retire to a pasture somewhere and live life as a horsey porn star.

TIMEOUT FOR TRIVIA: Who is the Stanley Cup Playoffs MVP Award named for and why?

PULL THE PLUG: Tony Kornheiser accurately called Cleveland’s rapid NBA Finals exit ‘euthanasia.’

EMPTY CUP: Don’t blame the United States’ disassociation with well-intentioned international quorums on the current administration. I believe our national soccer team began the trend by failing to qualify for the World Cup.

IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP: The smart money is on Brazil, France, and Germany, but remember when betting soccer, the over-under is always one. Spain was up there, too, but fired their coach a day before the World Cup began, which doesn’t seem like the best way to start.

NOT FAIR: Shohei Ohtani’s injury usually means Tommy John surgery and up to 18 months on the shelf, though there is hope he can return earlier. He’s a literal game-changer, standing apart in the sports age of specialization and micro-management.

TOUGH LUCK: Injured Colts QB Andrew Luck threw for the first time since last October. A parade is planned for downtown Indianapolis this weekend.

TRIVIA ANSWER: I had to look this one up. Constantine Smythe was a Canadian businessman, soldier in both world wars, philanthropist and hockey and horse racing sportsman. He was principal owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs from 1927-1961, built Maple Leaf Gardens and his teams won eight cups. The Conn Smythe Trophy was first awarded in 1965.

 


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mike Ashley has covered college athletics for over 30 years. He has worked in the athletic departments at Virginia Tech, Radford University and Marshall University, in addition to freelance work from his Northern Virginia home. Ashley has also worked as a stand-up comic, and has been a regular on many radio stations throughout the Mid-Atlantic Region. His work appears in Terrapin Times (covering the University of Maryland), NCAA programs, Blue Ribbon YearbooksAthlonLindy’s, and on bathroom stalls in major sporting venues. He has also co-authored a book on the golden age of Virginia Military Institute football, “Best Regrets: VMI’s John McKenna and The Lost Age of College Football.” Previously, the Salem, Va., native has helped author books on the New York Yankees, Emmitt Smith, Maryland’s 2002 NCAA basketball championship, and published a book on the history of Radford University.

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William Rothpast