Shinnecock, Trout a HoF lock, Redskins’ crock and Trotz’ head on a block

By Mike Ashley

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SLAPSHOT: I have watched enough hockey to recognize that what Phil Mickelson did at the U.S. Open last weekend was actually what they call a ‘one-timer.’

FISH STORY: Apologies to Catfish Hunter, Tim Salmon, Kevin Bass and Preacher Roe, but Mike Trout is easily the all-time greatest fish-named player in MLB history.

TRAVESHAMMOCKERY: After finally confessing about no waiting list for season tickets, the Redskins’ new marketing campaign is ‘No, really, this time we care about customer service.’ They’ve signed Wells Fargo and Facebook as sponsors.

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COLD AS ICE: Stanley Cup-winning coach Barry Trotz is out after saying no thanks to the Caps’ raise to $1.8 million per year (from $1.5). Wizards coach Scott Brooks makes $7 million a year coaching fewer players in warmer arenas and we don’t even know if he can skate.

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BRONX BOMBERS BACK: On the New York Yankees’ current pace they would slug a MLB-record 273 home runs. They’re so big and bad they’ve got a “you must be this tall to bat” sign in their on-deck circle.

TIMEOUT FOR TRIVIA: Everyone knows the Portland Trailblazers passed on Michael Jordan to take Sam Bowie with the No. 2 pick in the famed 1984 NBA Draft, and that Hakeem Olajuwan went No. 1 to Houston. But who went No. 4 in this great haul?

RED OCTOBER II: Russia has just about hacked its way into the knockout stage of the World Cup. Prior to the Cup, Russia’s team had not won a soccer match since October.

FAVORITE ‘ONION’ HEADLINES: ‘Lionel Messi Pissed After Forgetting to Wear Fitbit During Last Game,’ and ‘Moscow Officials Deny Accusations of Money Laundering After World Cup Game Played in $1.2 Billion Vacant Gravel Lot.’

GLEN GULUTZAN GLEN ROSS: By the way, Barry Trotz’ contract talks with the Caps went like this: ‘We’re adding a little something extra. As you know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize’s a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.’

DRUG TEST FOR KRYPTONITE: Dwight Howard is on his fourth team in four years. If he were really Superman, you get the feeling he might do that Christopher Reeve-thing flying around the earth at super speed to reverse time.

WHO’S GOT NEXT? Warriors look unbeatable but Houston might make a move. Lakers got money to burn. The Celtics got to the Eastern finals with two of their best players out. The Sixers seem like the next big thing. And LeBron is off to the side picking his own team.

TRIVIA ANSWER: With the No. 4 pick in the 1984 NBA Draft, the Dallas Mavericks selected Sam Perkins out of North Carolina. ‘Sudden Sam’ went on to play 17 years in the league. Oh, by the way, the Philadelphia 76ers took Charles Barkley No. 5.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mike Ashley has covered college athletics for over 30 years. He has worked in the athletic departments at Virginia Tech, Radford University and Marshall University, in addition to freelance work from his Northern Virginia home. Ashley has also worked as a stand-up comic, and has been a regular on many radio stations throughout the Mid-Atlantic Region. His work appears in Terrapin Times (covering the University of Maryland), NCAA programs, Blue Ribbon YearbooksAthlonLindy’s, and on bathroom stalls in major sporting venues. He has also co-authored a book on the golden age of Virginia Military Institute football, “Best Regrets: VMI’s John McKenna and The Lost Age of College Football.” Previously, the Salem, Va., native has helped author books on the New York Yankees, Emmitt Smith, Maryland’s 2002 NCAA basketball championship, and published a book on the history of Radford University.

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William Roth