Mock draft, Eagles get the shaft and other reasons to laugh


By Mike Ashley

LOOKING FOR AN AGENT: I am declaring for the NBA Mock Draft.

PHILLY, PHILLY! Since I live just outside of D.C., I went ahead and invited the Eagles by my house, especially if they bring cheesteaks.

KNIGHT FALL: Give them credit, Vegas waited until a couple of games into the Stanley Cup Finals before starting to play like an expansion team.

SCREEN & DROLE: When a TV picture isn’t wide enough to show the full score box during a sporting event, I’m now referring to that as ‘JR Smithing.’

NINJA BROADCASTING CO,: I wasn’t too vocal last week when NBC bumped the Stanley Cup to their sports channel to show ‘American Ninja Warrior,’ because you shouldn’t piss off Ninjas. No. 1, you never know where they are, and No. 2, they’re frickin’ Ninjas.

TO SUM UP: The MLB Baseball Draft was this week and a lot of players you will hear about in three or four years are now getting paid.

MAD MAX: Washington’s Max Scherzer tossed his second immaculate inning in two years the other night against Tampa Bay. That’s nine pitches, three strikeouts. The back-to-back Cy Young winner is 10-1 this season with a 1.95 ERA, 0.83 WHIP and over 13 strikeouts per nine innings.

TIMEOUT FOR TRIVIA: This one is as tough as facing Scherzer on the mound. He became just the fifth MLB pitcher ever to toss multiple Immaculate Innings. Can you name the others?

CAMPY HUMOR: Pffffft on NFL minicamps and all the useless ‘news.’ When do maxi-camps open? That’s when they put on pads, right?

IT BEHOOVES HIM: All in for Justify’s run for the Triple Crown at the Belmont Stakes, but what if Gronkowski wins? Will he spike the rose garland really hard?

DUBS DRUB LEBRON’S SCRUBS: Golden State spreads out opponents, shoots so well from the perimeter foes have to switch on screens and you get Kevin Love trying to stay in the same area code with Steph Curry. You can’t double off Kevin Durant or Klay Thompson. Dubs put on so much pressure to keep pace offensively.

NOT BRUCE ALLEN REALTY: Kirk Cousins’ Ashburn, Va., home sold in just five days, easily the most rapid any decision involving the Redskins QB was made in D.C.

TRIVIA ANSWER: Lefty Grove, Sandy Koufax, Nolan Ryan and Randy Johnson, all who reside in Cooperstown these days.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mike Ashley has covered college athletics for over 30 years. He has worked in the athletic departments at Virginia Tech, Radford University and Marshall University, in addition to freelance work from his Northern Virginia home. Ashley has also worked as a stand-up comic, and has been a regular on many radio stations throughout the Mid-Atlantic Region. His work appears in Terrapin Times (covering the University of Maryland), NCAA programs, Blue Ribbon YearbooksAthlonLindy’s, and on bathroom stalls in major sporting venues. He has also co-authored a book on the golden age of Virginia Military Institute football, “Best Regrets: VMI’s John McKenna and The Lost Age of College Football.” Previously, the Salem, Va., native has helped author books on the New York Yankees, Emmitt Smith, Maryland’s 2002 NCAA basketball championship, and published a book on the history of Radford University.

William Roth